So, in case you didn't notice, today is Valentine's Day. My first since John died.
I can still kinda remember last year's. I knew it would be the last one I'd celebrate with John. I also suspected it would be the last one I'd ever celebrate! I believed John was my one and only... and I still believe that. I don't think I can be that lucky twice!
So I wanted to make our last Valentine's Day extra special.
I don't think I achieved that. I can no longer remember what card I got him or if I even got him a pressie. I do remember feeling deflated though but whether that was because John was so ill or because I was just disappointed with that day in general I no longer recall.
Then the weekend arrived and John's health nose dived and I was worried I would lose him that very weekend. Then he seemed to pick up again on the Monday only for him to be rushed into hospital at lunchtime and he never came home again.
So maybe I could be forgiven for being grumpy, resentful, forlorn or remorseful on this Valentine's Day. In fact, I half suspect people expect me to be any of those things because I get the distinct impression that people consider it too sensitive a topic to be discussing in front of me... let alone with me!
Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised by this. People always seem to prefer to make judgements about other people rather than ask them, in case they offend.
But, think about it, when was the last time you offended someone by asking their opinion?
In my experience, you're far more likely to offend someone by making judgements and assumptions about them than asking their opinion.
So go ahead and ask me!
But in case you never do...
I think Valentine's Day has become over commercialised and has kinda put the emphasis on spending money rather than completing the simple task of telling the object of your affection you love them.
Of course, widowhood has put a new angle on it for me this year because it bothers me even more than before when people grumble about having to do that simple task of telling someone you love them. I would love to tell John I love him! Even for just one day!
As it happens, John and I told each other we loved each other EVERY day of the 12 years we were together!
John is no longer here to tell you his side of it but, as far as I'm concerned, if you're in a loving relationship with someone why would you not tell them you love them at every opportunity you have? Why would you let those opportunities slip by?
Trust me, there will be plenty to cry over when they're gone without adding to your woes.