29th February 2016

Mia: as I type, Mia is sat at my feet. She's resting after getting a good whiff of the cinnamon oil on my hands which she just couldn't get enough of! :)

Life: I was determined to have a day off college work today so I started the day with a food shop at Tesco (thus not quite making it a whole month on the bus). I always seem to forget how much I hate the place... until I go back again! This afternoon I spent colouring in another page of my colouring book until I went into town for yoga (hence the cinnamon oil on my hands). It was absolutely flipping freezing out! I felt sorry for the homeless guys I passed on the street - one was still a teenager, poor lad! Tonight is definitely not a night to be sleeping outside! Tonight's yoga was more intensive than last week but I managed ok except for my leg twitching right at the end! It was very distracting! Afterwards, Clare and Sandra took us for cake and a drink which was lovely of them! I love being spoiled! :)

One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is yoga. It's just so blissful (twitching leg or not!). I definitely need it in my life! :)

28th February 2016

Mia: Mia has kept herself to herself today.
College: today I finalised the design of my Aubrey Beardsley inspired tea bag. It's pretty good. :)
Life: I watched Philomena this evening. I've seen it before in the cinema and it's one of those true stories you'd think a bit far fetched if it wasn't. I certainly feel for her. It was a horrible thing to happen but I agree with Steve Coogan's character when he says "I couldn't forgive you". I'm currently listening to David Sedaris. I happened upon him by chance in the last year or two. He's a real wit. :) Today was Global Scouse Day. I re-heated my Chinese takeaway from Friday.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is seeing my tea bag completed. It made me chuckle to myself. :)

27th February 2016

Mia: had a good cuddle with Mia when I got home this evening. In fact, it was so good she came back for more... twice! :)
College: this morning I stuck all my evidence for my current project into my graphics sketchbook and went through half a roll of double-sided tape in the process! Incredible to think I've filled 3/4s of a sketchbook in a fortnight!
Life: the window cleaner came around this morning. He pressed the doorbell and so I opened the door only for him to almost fall through it because he was cleaning it at the time! This afternoon I got the bus into Liverpool to get another sketchbook and roll of double-sided tape but it took an age to get in because the traffic was crawling - presumably because the police had shut several streets because of an idiot fascist 'rally'! I don't know why the police give them so much protection. They should just let the public deal with them! Maybe then the police won't get hurt when they get in the way nor invaluable tax money wasted on protecting scum! Anyway, after I'd got my art supplies, I headed up to Tokyou for an impromptu 'celebration' meal for getting a place on the BA (Hons) course only to find it shut! (Only temporarily I hope!) So I went down Bold Street but by then the restaurants were getting busy so I headed over to Renshaw Street and dined at Damas (Lebanese street food) instead. I can't remember the name of what I had but it was okra and lamb in tomato sauce with flat bread and wild rice. It was yummy! :) However, I was upset that no one joined me for my 'celebration' but it was impromptu so I was being unfair. After getting back home, I decided to investigate some colouring apps I'd seen advertised. They're pretty good but, like all technology, they're not as involving as the real thing.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is cuddles with Mia. She is adorable and does seem to know the perfect time I need a cuddle. :)

26th February 2016

Mia: Mia seemed to be nervous of me this evening. Not quite sure why; Whether it's the fact I stood on her tail yesterday or something else but something's got to her. I hope her confidence returns pdq as I miss my cuddles. :(
College: this morning I met with the Graphic Arts course leader about doing the BA (Hons) in September. He was impressed with what he saw and offered me a place. My initial joy quickly wore off though as I started to think of all the work I'd have to do. I lack self-belief, I admit, but all my tutors tell me I'm good enough and all my friends seem impressed with what I do so maybe I just have to concede that they're not the ones who've got it wrong - I am. I don't see that happening any time soon though. Self-belief is a bastard! The thing that clinched the deal with this interview and my previous one is my art journaling. To think what initially saved my life and acted as art therapy keeps taking me on to the next plane! I'd like to bring that intensity and confidence back into my work! Maybe it'll happen now I have a clear picture of my future... I also found out more about our trip to Berlin in May. We're going for just a few days but they're gonna be full on! It sounds really good but, of course, I first have to face my fear of flying again! :(
Life: this evening I got myself a takeaway as I felt I deserved a treat and didn't feel like cooking. I also watched Accidental Hero - a film I've watched several times but never really chimed with me like it did today. I think it says a lot that matches with my mentality to life. No matter what happens in life, the only thing that matters is how you think. I'm so glad I listened to my body at yoga on Monday and have started to drop the bullshit. As ever though, I am a work in progress.
One Thing: no surprises, I'm choosing being offered a place on the BA (Hons) course in September. I just hope I don't live to regret it!
Only 3 months to my mum's birthday now...

25th February 2015

Mia: I managed to step on Mia's tail this evening! The silly girl was sat at the bottom of the stairs in the dark! She obviously doesn't have the common sense to move when a hulking human comes towards her! Nor to learn from experience! Daft creature!
College: today I put my evidence for my Picasso painting into my sketchbook and finalised my design for my typology poster. This evening I did a few quick concepts for my Aubrey Beardsley bag.
Life: this evening I watched Wolf Of Wall Street as its a film by Martin Scorcese and stars Leonardo di Caprio and had very good reviews. However, I found it incredibly boring and certainly both director and lead actor have done much better work imho.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is researching Aubrey Beardsley. I shan't forget those images in a hurry!
Only 10 months to Christmas now...

24th February 2016

Mia: not much to say about Mia again today other than she's been her usual hard-to-please self.
College: today was a day of industrial (in)action at college so I spent the day at home. Even though I didn't start until 10am, I didn't finish until 7pm. So I've done more work at home today than I would've done if I'd been at college! I've been sorting out my typology poster - scanning in over 50 examples with which to make my poster and then coming up with a bunch of concepts. I haven't chosen which one I like best yet though.
Life: this evening I watched Spaceballs on Netflix. It's one of the silliest films ever made but it's packed full of gags and probably the last decent film Mel Brooks made! A little Google search also revealed that, with the reboot of Star Wars, Mel Brooks has decided to cash-in and do Spaceballs 2! Despite half the original cast being dead! Desperate people do desperate things I guess!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is getting through the 15th anniversary of the day I met John without dwelling on it and getting morbid.

23rd February 2016

Mia: really not seen much of Mia today but she seemed in good spirits.
College: this morning I applied for the BA (Hons) top-up at college. It's not what I wanted and UCLAN have to approve it and then I have to have an interview and then be set some work to get me up to speed over the summer and I have to be approved for financing but it's the offer that's on the table and I have nothing to lose. The rest of the college day was pleasant enough and I was happy to be back at college.
Life: tonight I got a lift to choir from Patricia. It seems to be slowly finding its feet again now and improving week on week. So I shall stick with it. It was great to see Jen back too after her car accident. Afterwards, I got a lift home from Julie. Pleasant night all in all. :)
One Thing: being back at college. It was great to see my friends again and be within the learning environment. :)

22nd February 2016

Mia: as I've come to bed I've noticed that Mia has glitter on her. Such are the hazards of working with BLS! She was also restless this evening, repeatedly clambering onto my knee and promptly hopping off again. I suspect it was the smell of essential oils from tonight's yoga she didn't like!
Life: this morning I did the food shopping for the third week in a row on the bus. The likelihood of me selling the car is now more or less certain! It will be hard to part with it as its another bit of John I'm giving away. But I can't really afford to keep it for sentimental reasons. This afternoon I went to college to return my library books before returning into Liverpool where I did a bit of shopping for art supplies and then had tea at Tokyou - where else in Liverpool can you get sweet chilli chicken and rice and a drink for £6.80?!! - before heading over to BLS studio for tonight's yoga. It was fabulous - nothing at all taxing but so rewarding! :) Part of the exercise was to listen to what your body wanted. Mine told me to drop the bullshit! At the end of the class I felt like apologising to my body for filling it with crap and not taking care of it properly. It may be the motivation I need to take my health seriously!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is yoga. I realise tonight how much I need it in my life!

21st February 2016

Mia: this evening I played for a good hour with Mia. She just goes crazy for 'The red string of doom'! :) Other than that it has been business as usual.
Life: this morning I did a bit more on my goddess canvas. This afternoon Pauline and Sonia took me out to Liverpool for a meal. We dined at Soul Cafe because Pauline wanted to try the pancakes. I had Memphis Soul Stew which was yummy. :) This evening I prepared the canvas I've been meaning to start since January. I have until July to finish it. :) This weekend has seen Cameron initiate a referendum on EU membership. I'm worried about our human rights laws being watered down and handing total control to the Tories (or any government) without Europe to step-in and reign them in. So I really see no reason to vote for our exit. However, it also worries me that, judging what happened with the Scottish referendum, the government will promise absolutely anything to keep us in and then promptly ditch those promises!
One Thing: I'm choosing those few hours with Pauline and Sonia today. After feeling lonely yesterday, it was nice to have their company. :)

20th February 2016

Mia: Mia has moved into the spare bedroom today. I was somewhat concerned because I couldn't find her and it was raining and knew she had more sense to go out playing in the rain. So was somewhat concerned she'd come acropper somewhere. But, no, when I went to put the washing out, there she was snuggled up in the spare bedroom. Today was also her flea treatment day. She looked at me disgusted as usual and ran off but came back half an hour later for a cuddle. :)
Life: I went into Liscard this morning to post a birthday card and get some cooking oil. I went in all the food shops I could think of but found no cooking oil. It brought it home to me how much I need to be able to get to the supermarket when I can't find even the basics locally! In fact, as I was returning home, I reflected that Liscard is a roundabout - it's almost like in its very design, you're not meant to stop and visit! This afternoon I did two pages of my colouring book and this evening I did a bit more on my goddess canvas. However, the evening hasn't ended well as for the last hour I have sat here feeling miserable; feeling lonely and overwhelmed by life. I was wishing I could just die but then I thought about Mia and felt that I have to keep going for her. She's already been abandoned once in her life, I can't be the one to do it to her again.
One Thing: thank goodness for Mia. She has saved my life once again. I don't know what my life will bring me - part of me doesn't want to find out - but I keep going for her. She is my world and I think she needs me as well.

19th February 2016

Mia: Nothing much to report on Mia. She's been her usual, hard-to-please, self. But still utterly adorable. :)
College: today I worked some more on my graphics sketchbook but I'm going to have to remember not to get spiral-bound books in future as they're not very robust and fall apart. I also updated my drawing sketchbook. I was also glad to hear that Nikki and Jess have got into Liverpool John Moores. So proud of them! :)
Life: this afternoon I added whiskers to the cat in my Picasso inspired picture. Then I started on my goddess painting for 2016. I'm hoping it will be joyous but at the moment it looks like I shat all over it! Still, it's only a layer, as Clare reminds us. :) this evening I watched Private Benjamin - a classic! and more feminist than I remembered it. :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is Jess and Nikki getting into LJM. They're really talented artists so it wasn't much of a surprise and I'm so glad our class is going places! (Pun not intended) :)

18th February 2016

Mia: another day when I've seen very little of Mia. However, I did get a short cuddle from her once she'd had her tea, so that was lovely. :)
Life: today was the Big Love My Brother summit. I was there with the choir to sing. As usual, it was chaotic but I don't get stressed out with it like I used to. I've learned with Clare to just roll with it and the magic will happen. I've gained so much with being with Clare - some of it, like stress management, unintentionally (I think!) - so it's fab to see her rolling her work out to more and more people. It warms my heart to think that hundreds of people will now have had some of Clare's magic in their lives and, hopefully, been affected by it for the good. :) It has been noticeable to me how much I've changed for the better under her influence but it is lovely that others have noticed it as well. One friend, Emma, who I've not seen for ages commented on it today and said how much I'd changed, which is just fabulous! One of the reasons I joined choir in the first place was to bring me out of myself and I know for a fact that it's worked! And then some! :) This evening I settled down with my colouring book again and spent another 3 hours finishing off the page I started yesterday. 7 hours spent colouring in one page may seem ridiculous but it's 7 hours spent relaxing and that's quite a rarity in my life! So it's well worth it imo! Whilst I was colouring, I had Still Game on with Netflix. I'm not sure how widely known it is but it's one of my favourite sitcoms of all time! Its a real gem imo! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today was the summit. I'm so lucky to be able to attend these events! And to think of the lows of where I've come from to the highs like today, just make it all the more precious! It could've all been so different!

17th February 2016

Mia: Mia was back to her usual self today. She went to bed hours before me and when I passed her on the landing, where she was sleeping, she looked at me as if to say "how dare you disturb my sleep!".
Life: this afternoon I took myself to see Deadpool - the latest superhero movie from Marvel. It was entertaining - but not as entertaining as Star Wars 7 - and a good addition to the Marvel franchise. I shall look forward to it coming to Netflix or Amazon. :) This evening the Internet went down so I switched on Classic FM and sat down with a colouring book. 4 hours I've spent on that page and I'm still only about 2/3rds done on it! However, like at Christmas, I think I like this pace of life. I never used to but then I started college and that's given me a different perspective. Sometimes, in reflection, life has a way of adding up and almost seems to have a design - rather than the chaos it often feels at the time!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is doing my colouring book. I find it relaxing and it whiles away the hours very easily. :)

16th February 2016

Mia: I awoke this morning to find Mia disappeared. After breakfast she appeared, smelling of puke - which would explain why she didn't eat her breakfast. In fact she's hardly eaten a thing all day - just nibbled at her dry food. Otherwise, she seemed much her usual self. Just have to see how she goes tomorrow.
Life: choir this evening was fewer in number than previous weeks but much better. We sounded great regardless! :) Otherwise much of the day has been spent watching catch-up telly.
College: I finished off my picture today. I feel like it needs a background though but I have no idea what and, besides, I was asked to paint a tree and I already feel like I've 'gone off piste' adding a cat (Mia, naturally!) and a pigeon so I daren't detract from the tree further until I've had feedback!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is choir being back to more like it was. I need my weekly dose of magic and I was beginning to despair with it. So I hope it doesn't fall back into bad ways again.

15th February 2016

Mia: Mia was in an excitable mood at breakfast time so I played with her for a good half hour until she burned off all her energy. It's difficult to remember sometimes how she's come out of herself in the last 18 months. Her temperament is almost unrecognisable to what it was. :)
Life: I did the weekly food shop on the bus for the second time running - and I carried home an A2 canvas as well as my 3 bags of shopping! So I fear the car is done for if I keep this up for a whole month. Still, at least I should get a good price for it whilst it's still under warranty.
College: This afternoon I started painting my canvas. I've quite enjoyed it. I think it's the fact I'm not trying to impress anyone - I know there's no way I'm ever gonna do it as well as Picasso! So I'm just experimenting and seeing what I come up with under his influence.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is painting my canvas. I really didn't like doing the art stuff for college last term, so it's nice to do something I do enjoy. And I think the difference is taking a more relaxed attitude to it. :)

14th February 2016

Mia: didn't get a single Valentine's card or pressie off Mia today! Mind you, I didn't get her any either! Otherwise, apart from when she wanted food, she has spent most of the day asleep.
Life: this morning I finished off my latest batch of figures. I have no idea what to call them though so have asked for assistance on Facebook. I also went out and sprayed the weeds front and back with weedkiller. This evening I have watched Netflix and Amazon and painted my nails. It's been a while since I had them painted and it feels weird. I'm not sure I like it!
College: This afternoon I did a few concepts of a picture I have to create over half-term of a tree in the style of Picasso. I can't say I really liked any but I intend to do it in his Synthetic Cubist style.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is shaving my legs. It made me feel human again. :)

13th February 2016

Life: today didn't go as planned. I had intended to get stuck into my college work but didn't even get out of bed until gone 9am, never bothered to get out my pyjamas and then spent the afternoon painting my figures. This evening I watched Netflix. A largely uneventful day which is why my blog entry is so short.

One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is painting my figures. I have little else to choose to be honest! 

12th February 2016

Mia: Not much to say about Mia today. She's been fed and watered and seemed in reasonable spirits.
College: I spent almost the entire day in the library doing research. Quietly minding my own business except for my last tutor of the day who seemed to think I'm a 5 year old! If I'm paying them £5k to teach me, then they need to start acting like so! I'm not at college for their convenience!
Life: this evening I decided to have a chippy tea so stayed on the bus a bit longer than usual to take me near the chip shop. Except I got off at the wrong stop so had to walk longer than intended and then when I got there they were shut until 22nd! So I decided to walk to the only other chip shop I like at the other side of Liscard! In all, I must've walked about 3 miles just for a chippy tea!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is putting the last 5 months into context with a little help from Bluebeard, a dream board, and a Facebook meme. Tee hee! :)

11th February 2016

Mia: I found another cat hiding under a bush in the front garden this morning. It was a tortoise-shell and ever so timid! I don't think it was a friend of Mia's but I wouldn't mind if it was. It seemed to have a lovely nature!
Life: this morning, having not driven further than New Brighton since new year, I gave my car a good run out to the Trafford Centre and back. The place was horrible! I don't know what I ever saw in it! After getting home and having lunch, I went into Liverpool to meet up with Hilary to see Room at FACT. Hilary had invited me and said it was a kidnap drama so I wasn't too sure that I would like it. But it was an incredible film! And not really harrowing at all - just an incredible drama! I'd like to know if it was based on real events at all, as it seemed very realistic. And maybe read the book - once I've got through the 8 for college I've got piled on the sofa! After the film I popped into the local Morrisons to get some fruit for breakfast and noticed they had a load of bread reduced! I got about a dozen rolls for 99p! They were obviously chucking them out because of the sell-by date but I've just stuck them in the freezer and I'll defrost them as I want and stick them in the microwave and they'll be as good as new! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is watching Room with Hilary. As she said herself, it's nice to go with someone rather than just on your own. :)

10th February 2016

Mia: as I left the house at 7:30am, I didn't really see anything of Mia this morning. However, apart from when she was sniffing out my sausage rolls (which were in the fridge), she has spent this evening at my feet. She's quite clingy in her way. I know other cats whose owners hardly see them! Mia isn't like that at all! And I jolly well appreciate her company! :)
College: this morning I did a bit more research for graphics and then I met our course tutor for an afternoon in Liverpool for a 'culture tour' of The World Museum, Central Library and The Walker Gallery - all places I'd been to many times before! Never mind, it was nice to get out and do something different for a change! :) At the library I think we were meant to be looking at books related to our specialisms but instead of graphics I got one out on sculpture! :) I also made a note of one that showed you how to make home-made kilns just in case I get to that at some point. :)
Life: this evening I helped Patricia celebrate getting into Liverpool Hope on a FDe in Fine Art. I'm really made up for her! She's so talented but I was worried she wouldn't sell herself and show her passion for art. So I'm overjoyed I worried needlessly! :) Anyway, we went to a restaurant I'd never been to before, Casa Italia, which was lovely and very reasonably priced. The tiramisu in particular was to die for! And such a big serving of it too! :) I shall definitely be back! :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is Patricia getting into Liverpool Hope! She deserves all the success she can get and I'm thrilled to see her ambitions coming to fruition. :)

9th February 2016

Mia: we had half hour play this morning. It pleases me no end to see her play, rolling around on the floor, because she didn't really understand the concept of play when I got her. She really is the sweetest thing! :)
College: two-thirds of my college day was a waste today! I wasn't exactly impressed! Nor was my graphics tutor impressed with my course tutor taking my project off me last week! I suspect, from how the other tutors talk about her, that, as nice as she is, my course tutor is a bit of a liability! :( talking of liabilities... I had banana and chocolate pancakes at college today. I also had stir fry for Chinese New Year - neither was exactly impressive! The catering at college definitely take advantage of their 'captive audience' in my opinion!
Life: this evening I went to choir. It was better than last week and Hayli turned up with her baby too. They are such a lovely mother and daughter! :) I just wish I had more confidence where babies are concerned. :(
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is seeing Hayli and baby this evening. It was lovely to see them! :)

8th February 2016

Mia: another day, another cuddle - for about half an hour this evening! :)
College: I was struggling for motivation again today. So I did some sculpting which lifted my mood and then, after lunch, I sorted out my sketchbook for graphics.
Life: so I made another 4 figures today. It's really interesting to see what comes out of the clay. I love it so much! :) Then this evening I did the laundry and watched Netflix.
One Thing: doing the sculpting has again lifted my mood and helped me focus. I'm really beginning to think I've found my thing. :)

7th February 2016

Mia: Mia was scratching on the door this morning at 6am wanting her breakfast. I wouldn't normally bother but, since I'd been awake since 4:30am, I did. When I got home this evening, again the first thing she wanted was food. So I put out a saucer of cat milk and a portion of salmon and she ignored both! Then the cheeky thing was asking for more as I came to bed. So I pointed to the salmon and milk and said "there you go!". Sometimes, I sound just like my mum used to when I was a kid!

Life: today was heArt School and we were doing Soul Collage which is kind of like a cross between tarot and collage but not! I'm not sure I found it as deep and meaningful as others but I did enjoy the collage. However, before then - before I even got to heArt School! - I did some sculpting which I absolutely loved and put me in a good mood for the rest of the day! I have never before felt this compelled to create as I do with sculpture! I find it utterly fascinating! Although I'm the one creating, it feels like the sculpture is creating itself! I am just the facilitator to bring the figures to life! Each one has its own personality which manifests itself in my hands! It reminds me of what Clare says about her painting but I never really was able to with painting but with clay I totally get it! I don't want to speak too soon - it is after all only my 3rd batch - but I feel like I've found the thing I'm meant to do! This compulsion to create with clay is in me and I'm finding this last week that if I don't release it, I'll just go crazy! 

One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today, surprise surprise, is sculpting. It really set me up for the day. :)

6th February 2016

Mia: I have no idea why but Mia just stuck her claws in me. All I was doing was stroking her head! She normally laps it up! There was absolutely no logical reason for it! My human instinct was to swipe her back but I didn't. I didn't even yell at her. Instead I've decided to shut her in the kitchen for the next half hour. She needs to learn that kind of behaviour isn't acceptable!
College: this morning I printed off my research to go in my sketchbook. I also inked up my sketchbook ready. Trouble was, I started at the wrong end! Doh!
Life: this afternoon I met up with Clare and Amore in Liverpool. We were meant to be looking around the World Museum but best plans and all that... we ended up in Patisserie Valerie having cake instead! :) Afterwards, I went to Tesco to get a sarnie for tomorrow's heArt School and then caught the 433 home but, having a student pass that gives me limited travel, I decided to stay on it all the way to New Brighton to get some squash from Morrison's (as their's is the only one without aspartame in that I know of). If I'm not gonna be a student after the summer, I need to be looking at what kind of equivalent pass they have for non-students as its saving me a fortune so far! :) This evening I finished off my clay figures I started last weekend. I'm so proud of them! :) I'm gonna make some more and aim to sell them for £10 each as they take 1hr to make and I reckon £10 ph is about the right sort of wage for me. :)
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is making my figures. As I say, I'm really proud of them! There could be a profitable future in this for me! :)
Anyway, time to let Mia out...

5th February 2016

Mia: just had a good ten minute cuddle with Mia. :)
College: today was a wasted day at college. I was ready to go home at 11:30am but I hung around until 3:30pm - still 90mins earlier than I should've done! I'm struggling for motivation. My heart says "you're wasting your time. Leave!" but my head says "you've spent £5k for this. You should at least get your money's worth!". Either way, it's tearing me up that the dream I had for 16 years has pretty much bit the dust once and for all. :(
Life: this evening I went to Mowgli for tea. The food was gorgeous as usual but the service was crap! They didn't even ask if I wanted desert! So they didn't get a tip. Afterwards, I went to the Small Cinema to watch Tangerine. I didn't realise but it's a voluntarily run enterprise but, even so, that doesn't explain why it stank of fish! The film was excellent though! By turns problematic, brutal, real, emotional, and funny but never less than thoroughly engrossing! It's the best film I've watched since Birdman more than 12 months ago! I'd certainly recommend that people watch this 'Trans film' over The Danish Girl any day of the week!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is my cuddle with Mia. I know I keep saying it, but she does make life worth living. :)

4th February 2016

Mia: Mia has acquired another tangle under her chin. I've tried to sort it, and she has been very patient with me for the most part, but it's still there. I'm indebted to her though because yet again she's  the reason why I've gone to bed hoping for a better tomorrow. She needs me - and I need her. xxx
Life: after my late night last night, today has been a very slow day - I didn't even go down for breakfast until 10:30am! Depression has got a firm hold of me today! :( on a positive note, I went and did the food shopping by bus today instead of taking the car.
College: I haven't done any college work today - not so much because I have nothing to do or wanted the day off but because I couldn't see the point. I'm hoping I'll rediscover my enthusiasm tomorrow and make it to the end of term but tonight that feels remote.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is having Mia in my life. She makes life worth living.

3rd February 2016

Mia: Mia was ever so good this morning when I combed her. She was ever so patient with me. I'm not quite sure why there was this change in character but it'll make my job a heck of a lot easier if she stays like that! :) This evening I indulged her in some salmon trimmings which she appreciated. :)
College: I was in college for just after 8am, so I treated myself to free tea and toast. Then I went to the graphics room to print off my final piece for the previous project. My graphics tutor also had a chat with me and agreed with me that the leap to BA (Hons) is too great - HND or no HND - so its FDe or bust now! So I am almost certain I will be walking away from college life for good in the summer. :( So my goal now is just to make the most of it whilst I can. On the plus side, I had a look through the portfolios on the Association of Illustrators website today and although it's competitive because of the sheer number of them, for the most part there was nothing there that I can't do. Self-belief and pushiness is all I really need!
Life: This evening I settled down with one of my colouring books... which is why I'm so late to bed - because I didn't want to leave the page half done!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is getting two books from the library on hand crafted graphics. They totally float my boat, are full of ideas and I don't want to give them back! Although I can use computers - and use them well - handmade stuff is where it's at for me! :)

2nd February 2016

Mia: really not seen much of Mia today because I left home just after 9am and didn't get back until after 8pm. She seemed in good spirits though.
College: things went well in my graphics lesson and we got the brief for our next assignment - experimental mark making. I couldn't be happier about that! I feel like a pig in muck! :) things also went well in life drawing and I produced a few pieces I would happily put in my portfolio. :)
Life: After college, Patricia took me into town for choir but first we visited Cass Arts where I bought myself an A3 portfolio for my graphics work and some black paper and chalk for my mark making project. Then we went to choir. I'm not gonna lie and say I enjoyed it but I think I need to readjust my priorities, if only for just a little while, and stick with it for the sake of Big Love Our Brother. At choir I also picked up the sculpture I created on Saturday. Unfortunately, it was broken... and it was broken some more by the time I got it home! :( But, on the bright side, I have plenty of clay to repair it.
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is the fact that I'm enjoying college so much at the moment... even if it is tinged with sadness at the knowledge it won't last past summer (at the latest!).

1st February 2016

Mia: today was a windy day so Mia stayed in for most of it. I gave her sardines for tea. She turned her nose up at it. She seems to have developed a liking for Fatima dry food - it's cheaper than most too, so I'm not complaining. :)
Life: I was itching to do some sculpting today. I did about 90 mins and created 5 figures in that time. I'm really happy with what I produced. They all have character. :) this afternoon I did a bit of vacuuming and did my finances. I was delightfully surprised to learn that, if you discount my tuition fees, I was about £180 under budget last month - despite a day out in London and getting my car serviced! :)
College: I finalised my graphics project today. All I have to do tomorrow is print it and hand it in. However, it's 108mb! So I'm gonna go in early just in case it takes half the day to download!
One Thing: the one thing I'm choosing today is sculpting. I feel I have discovered another hobby to indulge in. It's great fun! :)